Michelle Obama Named One Of The 50 Most Beautiful People Of 2015

BRIAN ANDERSON

JULY 29, 2015

Clearly the Earth has been enveloped in a reality-warping vortex. A couple of days ago Barack Obama said he thought he was “a pretty good President” and today Michelle Obama has been named one of the most beautiful people of the year. It’s like Opposite Day is stretching into a full week.

The Hill, which is normally a non-partisan political news site, has decided to get in on the click-bait craze by publishing its 50 Most Beautiful list. It’s unclear what the criteria for making the list is or the nominating and voting process, but it appears to be people related to politics. Most on the list are political staffers and lobbyists you’ve never heard of, but FLOTUS Michelle Obama landed at #9:

She’s known for being a workout fiend who engages in high-intensity sweat sessions, but for Michelle Obama, true joy isn’t found on a treadmill or beneath a barbell.

You know, happiness for me is when my kids are good and when my family is whole,” Obama, mom to Malia, 17, and Sasha, 14, said in 2011.

“My happiness is measured against theirs — when they’re in a good place, I feel really good.”

Not to say Obama, who launched her Let’s Move anti-childhood obesity initiative five years ago, doesn’t also feel good obliterating calories at the gym. The executive mansion resident’s regular workouts include jumping rope, boxing and lifting weights, among other exercises.

“If I don’t exercise, I won’t feel good,” Obama declared a few months after settling in at the White House in 2009.

Since then, she’s shown that she’s a physical activity force to be reckoned with.

So because she works out and has the physique of a linebacker she’s beautiful? Lou Ferrigno, the original Incredible Hulk, works out. Is he beautiful?

Even funnier, these are the pictures The Hill used to show how beautiful Michelle Obama is:

Are you people blind!!! She looks like something that wants to eat your children.

Barack Obama actually made the list, though much farther down than his wife at #21:

He’s been called “perhaps the most fit president in the history of the United States,” but the White House gym won’t do much good for the part of his body that President Obama often kvetches about: his hair.

“As I look back, I realize how many of you have pictures of me with no gray hair,” the Democrat quipped to supporters in 2014. “You’re chronicling the slow deterioration of Barack Obama.”

But fortunately for the commander in chief, who snagged the No. 2 spot on The Hill’s 50 Most Beautiful list in 2005 as an Illinois senator, his wife appreciates the extra salty salt-and-pepper look.

“My wife, at least, still thinks I’m pretty cute, even with the gray hair,” Obama said last year. “I just want you to know.”

That’s almost as sad as saying, “My mom says I’m handsome.” Also, notice how much more time Barack spends talking about his gray hair than he does about the threat of radical Islam? Get some Just For Men and then do something to make our country safer.

Obviously words have lost all meaning if Michelle Obama is one of the most “beautiful” people. I realize people have different tastes, but I think there are very few who would rate the FLOTUS anywhere north of hideous.

They say beauty is only skin-deep, but Michelle fails here as well. Besides that big freaky androgynous exterior, she’s not even beautiful on the inside. She’s a fake self-absorbed condescending elitist. That ugly goes to the core. Her inclusion on this list is indeed puzzling.

In related news Al Sharpton was named one of the 50 Best Tax Payers of 2015, Joe Biden was named one of the 50 Top Public Speakers, and Michael Moore made the 50 Best Abs list.